Are dogs secretly the ultimate friendship experts?

What makes someone a good friend?

The first thoughts that might come are intelligence, humor, people who know how to read the room, say the right thing at the right time, and send clever texts. But that sounds a bit performative.

Often, it’s the little things that count a lot. Like showing up, paying attention, making you feel like you matter. And doing these little things to perfection is basically dogs’ entire personality.

Your dog doesn’t care if you had a bad hair day, failed a test, or said something awkward in the class. You walk in, and they silently convey, “You’re here. That’s all I needed.”

And the loyalty is unreal. You could leave the house for ten minutes or ten hours, and they react like you just returned from saving the planet. Imagine having a friend that excited to see you every single time. Sometimes getting a simple “hey” back feels like a small victory.

After the initial excitement at your heroic return, something quieter takes over. They hang out next to you. But they aren’t half-listening to you while keeping an eye out for squirrels outside or waiting for their turn to woof. With their head slightly turned they are doing their very best to understand you. They are also amazing at matching your energy. They just get it without needing a whole explanation. It’s this quiet consistent presence, day after day, that wins you over.

Also, dogs don’t keep score. They’re not thinking, “Well, last week you didn’t hang out with me, so now I’m going to be distant.” We remember who texted first. Who canceled plans. Who didn’t show up when expected. Dogs don’t do that. They just reset. Every day is a fresh start and starts with love all.

Which takes us to forgiveness. On days I leave Simba alone for hours or maybe all day, for a brief moment, he might give me that “Wow, you really did that to me” look. But then comes tail wag accompanied by full-body wiggle. I’m forgiven before I’ve even taken my shoes off. How wonderful would it be if we could do that for the daily annoyances?

Maybe the common theme connecting all these experiences is their natural instinct to help you feel important and loved.

If friendship is about showing up, being loyal, staying present, forgiving, and making someone feel seen without judgment, dogs have mastered it.

And they’re not even trying. They’re just being who they are. Which is kind of funny, because we’re out here reading books and listening to podcasts about how to improve our relationships. And dogs are just like, “Have you tried being really really happy to see someone?”

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Lea SEG, Osthaus B. In what sense are dogs special? Canine cognition in comparative context. Learn Behav. 2018 Dec;46(4):335-363. doi: 10.3758/s13420-018-0349-7. PMID: 30251104; PMCID: PMC6276074.

Miklósi A, Topál J. Is there a simple recipe for how to make friends? Trends Cogn Sci. 2005 Oct;9(10):463-4; author reply 464-5. doi: 10.1016/j.tics.2005.08.009. PMID: 16153882.